Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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Life is too short to remove a USB drive safely.
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If I were a vegetable, I'd be a couch potato with high ambitions.
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Facebook: where people share things you didn't ask about to people who don't care.
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I'm old enough to know better but young enough to do it anyway.
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Every time Facebook shows me a memory I think 'delete this evidence immediately.'
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Facebook marketplace is proof that people will try to sell literally anything.
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Facebook relationship status options should include 'it's complicated and I don't want to talk about it.'
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Posted a life update and my third cousin twice removed commented 'praying for you sweetie' on what was clearly a joke.
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I'm not ignoring you. I'm giving you time to reflect on what you just said.
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I don't have an attitude. I have a personality you can't handle.
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