Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I had a quiet game of tennis today. There was no racket.

I'm such a good navigator, a self-driving car once asked me for directions.

I got a new pen that can write under water. It can write other words too.

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

My out-of-office reply should just be permanent.

Nothing ruins Friday more than realizing it's only Wednesday.

My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

Telling yourself 'I'll remember that' instead of writing it down. You won't remember that.

My work routine: Coffee, existential crisis, lunch, existential crisis, home.

I'm one bad meeting away from becoming a park ranger.