Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
I read about 12 books a year on the toilet. That's how I became an expert on toilets.
I invented a new mind-reading device for predicting smells. It makes scents when you think about it.
A big shout-out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money!
I just watched a program about beavers.
It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
I renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says "The Titanic is syncing."
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Call me silly but I'd prefer to eat cookies than worry about having a six pack.
Give up carbs? Over my bread body!