Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I told my suitcase we're not going on vacation this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

Monday is basically the loading screen for the rest of the week.

If Monday were a spice, it would be flour.

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?

The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.

I would like to officially declare Mondays as optional.

Tried to donate blood today. They had way too many questions about where I got it.

I childproofed my house but they still get in.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

I'm in shape. Round is a shape.