Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

That sounds like a you problem.

Oh look, another opinion I didn't ask for.

Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

I'll get over it. I just need to be dramatic first.

One day I am going to make onions cry.

My flabbers have been gasted.

If Life gives you lemons, add vodka.

Remember when Botox was a taboo subject? Now you mention it,
and nobody raises an eyebrow.

If you don't know what to talk about on a first date, try mentioning Global Warming. It's a great ice breaker.

I want to be a doctor, but I don't have enough patience.