Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I've heard that you can now print a gun with a 3D printer, but I am not really impressed. I've had a Canon printer for years.

After dinner last night my wife asked me if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it!

I said I was good at making decisions. I didn't say the decisions I made were good.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that
"I don't care about being healthy and smelling clean."

If you hold the sole of your foot to your ear, you can hear the sound of your hip dislocating.