Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

You should laugh at your problems, everyone else does.

Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous. You're practically begging for typos.

It is ironic and sad how a group of squid is not called a squad.

Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.

NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to the extraterrestrials. They're calling it the Apollo G.

When they call my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.