Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don’t want to talk.

What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?
l asked my 12 brothers and sisters, but they don't know either.

Bigfoot is often confused with Sasquatch.. Yeti never complains.

I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."

When I was young we were so poor, we sometimes only had bits of old rope to eat... I would often skip lunch

I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.