Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I've just written a song about tortillas; actually, it's more of a rap.

Don't worry. If Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

The older I get the more dangerous it is to sneeze

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

I am pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and I will have a whole set.

Our child has a great deal of willpower—and even more won't power.