Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.

I've stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.

Piñatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you'll get what you want.

I wouldn't exactly say I'm lazy, but it’s a good thing that breathing is a reflex.

Someone stole my bike, so I called the police, and they found the thief. He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.

What's the difference
between a good joke
and a bad joke timing.