Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

The doctor says my cholesterol count is so high that I can't even say "cheese" when I get my picture taken.

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn't even know they knew how to knit.

Pepsi and Coke can't even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along?

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

Take your nose back; I found it in my business.

Learn from Pandora's mistake—think outside the box.