Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

If a man said he'll fix it, he'll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.

Who ever said "Out of sight, out of mind", never had a spider disappear in the bedroom.

After a short conversation, someone asked me if I was a nerd.
I said I preferred the term "smarter than you".

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

I asked a flight attendant how often planes crash. She said "usually just once"

When a cashier told me, "Strip down, facing me." How was I supposed to know she meant my credit card?