Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

My sarcasm only gets me in trouble when my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning.

How long does it take to get through a labyrinth? A minotaur two.

The doctor says my cholesterol count is so high that I can't even say "cheese" when I get my picture taken.

Piñatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you'll get what you want.

Everything will kill you, so choose something fun.

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn't even know they knew how to knit.