Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I used to teach origami. Gave it up. Too much paperwork.

I would love to get paid to sleep...It would be a dream job.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

Do not let your mind wander too much. It is too small for you to let it out alone.

My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.