Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Piñatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you'll get what you want.

Adding "Your Mom took Tylenol" to my list of insults.

People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don’t want to talk.

I just read a list titled "100 Things to Do Before You Die." I'm pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn't one of them.

Doing nothing is so hard because you never know when you are done.

I pulled a wooden shoe out of my toilet last night. Not too bad, it was a small clog.