Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Eat a whole pizza and people say, wow you were hungry! Eat a whole cake and people say, whoa you've got a problem!

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

Today everyone wants instant gratification, no matter how long it takes.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn't work out, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

I recently took a pole. 99% of people were annoyed when their tents fell down.

They really need to stock ATMs better. I went to 4 of them today and they all said "insufficient funds."