Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I intend to live forever, so far so good.

People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don’t want to talk.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.

What's the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.