Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.

Before the Internet people thought the cause of stupidity was the lack of access to information? Yeah. It wasn't that.

To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.

Some people say I'm addicted to somersaults, but that's just how I roll.

I used to fear tall people. Now I look up to them.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.