Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body.

I asked a flight attendant how often planes crash. She said "usually just once"

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

I wasn't being silly I was just being creative.

There's a certain happiness which comes from being silly.