Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of just crazy.

An apple a day will keep the doctor away if you throw it hard enough.

After the doctor left the room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn't want to hear. "Who was that?"

A perfectionist walked into a bar...apparently, the bar wasn't set high enough.

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.