Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I feel like getting some work done, so I'm lying down until the feeling passes.

‪I've done terrible things for money. Like getting up early to go to work. ‬

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off. I feel like I am being stalked.

For years there's been talk about getting rid of the US penny and they finally did it! Some people are just afraid of change.

Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I'm a valued customer at several grocery stores.

Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.