Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.

I've just written a song about tortillas; actually, it's more of a rap.

Don't worry. If Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

I'm not lazy. I'm just highly motivated to do nothing.

The older I get the more dangerous it is to sneeze

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.