Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.

I just changed my relationship status from "left hand" to "right hand"…

I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day. To be discovered.

Whoever determined a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.

You should use glasses to do math. It improves division