Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Locally sourced couch potato.

Couch potatoes should occasionally check under their cushions. You never know what might turnip!

Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."

I'm not lazy. I'm just highly motivated to do nothing.

A new study reveals that listening to Queen might be bad for your health. This is due to unusually high mercury content.

Highlighter pens are the future. Mark my words.