Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Someone stole my bike, so I called the police, and they found the thief. He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.

Someone stole my bike. I called the cops and they found the thief. He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.

It is ironic and sad how a group of squid is not called a squad.

I am not sure about flying Virgin Airlines. Why go with someone who won't go all the way?

Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.

When they call my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.