Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

The early bird can have the worm because worms are gross and mornings are stupid.

It's very hard to concentrate when I'm in a room full of cookies!

I once entered a weather pun competition. I beat the raining champion.

Good morning people of my country. Tell me, what are we offended by today?

I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is much more fun.