Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Nothing travels faster than light except your aunt sharing an unverified health article on Facebook.

Due to recent budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.

I'm not lazy. I'm just highly motivated to do nothing.

Highlighter pens are the future. Mark my words.