Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Bigfoot is often confused with Sasquatch.. Yeti never complains.

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant because I believe in myself.

I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do, it's because I've missed my exit.

Adulting is the scariest costume I've ever worn.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

My body just asked for water and I gave it a mini donut because nobody tells me what to do.