Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

For years there's been talk about getting rid of the US penny and they finally did it! Some people are just afraid of change.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn't work out.

Nine year old has disappeared after using mothers moisturizer that makes you look 10 years younger.