Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

I bought a push-up bra... it didn't help.
I could still only do about 6.

Today everyone wants instant gratification, no matter how long it takes.

Most bald people still own a comb. They just can't part with it.

I snacked on Sodium Chloride and Acetic Acid chips last night.
Trust me, they tasted much better than it sounds.

I have always been suspicious of Wendy's hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.