Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Diet tip: Your pants will never get too tight if you don't wear any.

I don't understand why I can't lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.

I'm mature, but not mature-mature. For example I still use "righty tighty, lefty loosey" to figure shit out.

I'm on a seafood diet. If I see food, I eat it.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.