Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

I always arrive late to the office but I make up for it by leaving early.

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Dove chocolates taste way better than their soap.

My brain is currently experiencing technical difficulties. Please try again later.

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?