Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

I always arrive late to the office but I make up for it by leaving early.

When they call my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.

I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.

Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?

I found out my neighbor breeds deer for racing. He's always trying to make a quick buck.