Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money? It took you 5-7 seconds to take it from my account.

What's a thief's favorite kind of metal? Steel.

I kinda wish Dolly Parton sang 10 to 2 instead.

I feel so bad for not emptying the trash bin icon on my computer.

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?

Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I'm a valued customer at several grocery stores.