Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

My goal in life is to have a Wikipedia page written about me. Maybe just a newspaper article. Ok, I'd accept a journal entry.

Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.

I tried to make a reservation at the library, but they were
completely booked.

Reality called, so I hung up.

Someone stole my bike. I called the cops and they found the thief. He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.

Goth corn is called corn on the macabre.