Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Who ever said "Out of sight, out of mind", never had a spider disappear in the bedroom.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

To the person who stole my glasses - I will find you, I have contacts.

When I find it, I don't need it. When I need it, I can't find it.

I am pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and I will have a whole set.

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.