Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

What if oxygen is poisonous and just takes about 80 years to kill us?

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

Everything will kill you, so choose something fun.

I hate it when revolving doors move too fast. It's a real pane in the butt.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn't even know they knew how to knit.