Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
Sleeping in could easily be my superpower, if not for my arch-nemesis having to pee.
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Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could have done for him.
If silly putty would have applied itself, it could have been serious putty.
"Your career could be in jeopardy"
~ Alex Trebek's agent in 1984
A best friend is someone who clears your search history immediately after you die.
I really wish there was some kind of signal drivers could use on their car to notify other drivers that they're turning.
When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.
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