Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous.

I lost the volume control knob on my antique radio. I keep checking the Lost and Found to see if anything turns up.

I bought a bottle of shampoo which promised to increase volume. I poured some in my ear and if anything, it did the opposite.

Anything is possible when you don't know what you’re talking about.

The first step of forgiveness is understanding some people are just stupid.

I hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only #1, 3, 5, 7 & 9 were done. Turns out he only does odd jobs.