Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
Anything done before the first coffee of the day is a self-defense mechanism.
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I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous.
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn't have done this to me."
Someone stole my coffee cup. Now I have to go the police station and look at mugshots.
Doing nothing is so hard because you never know when you are done.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn't named Marvin.
How important do you have to be before you're considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
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