Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I have always been suspicious of Wendy's hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.

Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.

To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant because I believe in myself.