Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I like eating Nerds because I’m secretly hungry for aquarium gravel. Nerds take the edge off.

Doing nothing is so hard because you never know when you are done.

Eat a whole pizza and people say, wow you were hungry! Eat a whole cake and people say, whoa you've got a problem!

I have always been suspicious of Wendy's hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.

Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.

Day 44 without eating an apple... doctors are following me everywhere. the police are powerless to intervene.