Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I accidentally downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar app on my phone. Now my battery keeps draining.

Wi-Fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem nice.

When my internet is down I forget that the rest of my computer still works.

My wife told me to choose between her and my cigar collection. I'm really going to miss her.

Going to a music lovers meeting but can't remember if it's on... Penny Lane, Electric Avenue or down on Main Street.

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?