Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I said I was good at making decisions. I didn't say the decisions I made were good.

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

If my psychiatrist said "There's really nothing more I can do for you", that means I'm cured right?

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn't work out.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off of it!