Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I bought a bottle of shampoo which promised to increase volume. I poured some in my ear and if anything, it did the opposite.

I collect mouthwash bottles. They are kept in mint condition.

Saw a sign on the front of a store that read "We treat you like family". Yup, not going in there...

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So now I drink in front of a mirror.

A recent announcement says half of all vehicles will be electric in ten years. My questions is "Which half? Front or Back?"

You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.