Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So now I drink in front of a mirror.

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I don't have a drinking problem. I'm just really thirsty.

My doctor told me I’m going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear...

Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee. It's called sleeping.

Teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand and 4 in the other. What do I have in total?
Student: A drinking problem.

I told the doctor that I'd like to do my own stitches.
He said, Suture self.

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

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