Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Someone stole my bike. I called the cops and they found the thief. He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.

In reality, plants are actually farming us, by giving us oxygen daily, until we eventually decompose, so they can consume us.

Goth corn is called corn on the macabre.

I have a condition that makes me eat when I can't sleep. It's called Insom-nom-nom-nom-nia.

It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.

I like eating Nerds because I'm secretly hungry for aquarium gravel.