Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I'd call you a tool, but even they serve a purpose.

Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.

Threw a ball for my dog. Extravagant I know, but he looks great in a tuxedo.

In reality, plants are actually farming us, by giving us oxygen daily, until we eventually decompose, so they can consume us.

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

It's just not in me to be vegan. Even the thought of a hamburger makes my mouth water.