Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.

When I went out to my car this morning, it was all covered in leaves, so I guess now it's an autumnobile.

I wonder how many animals we tried to ride before we discovered horses we cool with it.

If I'm not on Facebook for over 2 days - call the authorities.

Albert Einstein is a great scientist, a good man. But his brother Frank, is a monster.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.