Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I respect the opinion of everyone who agrees with me.

My neighbour is complaining about his chickens arguing. It's not the noise that bothers him... it's the fowl language.

To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that
"I don't care about being healthy and smelling clean."

People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

My masseuse rubs me the wrong way, but my chiropractor cracks me up.