Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.

If we tell people that the brain is an app, maybe they will start using it.

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.

People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they're likely to cause.

I hate it when people think they can just waltz into my office, when what I am listening to is clearly in 4/4.