Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

It's almost October, which means all of the cobwebs and dust in my house will soon become Halloween decorations.

I am pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and I will have a whole set.

I'm at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn't have to get up to pee.

Some people know the rules for playing the game Battleship and some people don't. It's pretty much hit or miss.

All theses years I thought it was the dryer making my shirts not fit. Now I'm pretty sure it's the refrigerator.

I bought a bottle of shampoo which promised to increase volume. I poured some in my ear and if anything, it did the opposite.